Climb The Why-How Ladder
When you keep asking yourself “Why?” you gain insight into what your true needs are. You’re able to get to the heart of the matter - and from there, the steps you need to take become more clear.
Do you ask yourself “How?” a lot?
“How do I keep up with all these emails? How can I make more time for my kids? How am I supposed to get more sleep?”
These are tough questions, especially since the solutions can often feel so far out of reach.
If you find yourself having trouble answering questions like these, perhaps it’s time to flip the script: instead of asking yourself “How?”, try asking yourself “Why?”.
When you’re in problem-solving mode, it’s easy to get caught up in the how. You may get stuck, or even feel like giving up.
But what happens when you ask “Why?” instead?
You open yourself up to gain insight on what your true needs are. You’re able to get to the heart of the matter - and from there, the steps you need to take become more clear.
There’s a design exercise that can help you with this. It’s called Why-How Laddering. (I’m going to focus on climbing up the ladder, i.e. the “Why” part of the exercise.)
I do a variation of this exercise with clients to help them uncover their triggers for stress and burnout. I like to describe the process as “channeling your inner toddler”.
That’s because toddlers are always asking “Why?”. They are pros when it comes to flexing this curiosity muscle, and that’s exactly what you want for this exercise.
It goes like this:
Think of something that has been causing you stress lately.
Ask yourself a question about this, starting with the word “why” and using second person. Give yourself a minute or two to jot down your response. (Try not to overthink your response. Just write down what immediately comes to mind.)
Take a moment to review your response. Now ask yourself another question starting with “why”, this time based on what you just wrote.
Repeat steps 2 and 3 until you reach the “top of the ladder”. You’ll know you’re there when you arrive at a meaningful, universal need such as “I want to feel safe” or “I want to be heard”.
Here’s a quick example of what this looks like:
I feel overwhelmed because I work full-time and have to take care of everything around the house.
Why are you the one taking care of everything?
I have more time after work than my husband does, so the household chores end up falling on me.
Why does he have less time than you do?
He has a really demanding job. That’s why I feel like I can’t ask him to help out more.
Why can’t you ask for more help?
He’s already so stressed with his job, I don’t want to pile more on him.
Why is protecting his stress level more important than your own?
It shouldn’t be...I’m not making myself a priority. I need to value myself and my time more.
See what just happened there? You may start by thinking the problem is one thing, but you end up landing on something much more profound.
Now you’re ready to climb down that ladder with those “how” questions.
Instead of trying to figure out “How can I handle everything on my plate?” you’re asking yourself “How can I put myself first?”. You’re solving a totally different problem, one that’s worth tackling.
As you go through your week, notice what questions you’re asking yourself. Are you asking “How?” more often than “Why?” ?
It’s easy to find answers when you’re asking the right questions.